These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Feeling a bit of outrage today.

My knickers are in a knot.

I just posted this on FB:
I've worked with dysfunctional families, and I've come to "understand" some of the idiosyncracies that make it work for them. But I've encountered one I can't get resolved in my mind. 
An acquaintance left her husband because "he is an alcoholic and mentally abusive." OK, got that. Then she said she was leaving the children with him while she completed her education "so she could support the kids." Hmm. She already has a degree and a job teaching, but if it would "improve her situation substantially." Why leave the kids in a potentially abusive situation (historically, when the object of abuse leave, the anger is redirected onto others in the immediate area), even if it means scraping to support them? Next she finished the degree and MOVED 1500 MILES AWAY FROM THE KIDS!!!

Nope, I can't reconcile this in my head, not at all. If being a parent isn't your forte, own it, but don't throw the children to the wolves or be untruthful about the other parent to cover your own guilt. I don't know which is true, but either way it is just w.r.o.n.g. Children are not incidental.
I unfriended the acquaintance because I don't care to be an observer any longer. I really don't know what is going on, I haven't asked details since shortly after she finished school. At that time, she said "I don't want to uproot the kids until I'm settled." I kept waiting for over four years to hear about the children, an update of some sort, but she never says anything. But now a year and a half or perhaps two years after she finished school, she doesn't even write about them, except for a brief acknowledgement of the eldest graduating from high school. That was in May. Her posts on FB are all about her activities, how her life is "growing and changing," how much she loves her job teaching(!!!). I finally couldn't take it any more and unfriended her today.

I donno. Maybe I expect too much, but I don't see how she can love teaching other kids when her own are in what she described as a jeapardous situation. I've considered that perhaps she can't get her children back, perhaps because of something she did, rather than by choice, but whether she chooses to not have her children or isn't allowed, it just seems wrong. We talked a bit when she left the home, and she merely insisted it was because of him. Whatever, I just can't imagine (1) putting her children in danger, or (2) not owning her truth, even if it is painful.

OK, I'm through. Sorry for the rant. But I needed to vent.  Thanks for your patience!





9 comments:

  1. FromLC:

    "Kids are not incidental." I'm with you on this one. Maybe all the
    nitty gritty detail would change my perspective, but sounds like a
    case of "me-itis," everything is about her.
    --
    Blogging at www.retirementdaze.com

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    1. I suspect you're right on. sighhhh.

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  2. I hear you, Lyn. In my years supervising social services, I have seen quite a few women leave abusive situations. I remember only 2 who didn’t take their children with them. One was the wife of a chief of police and he threatened her at gun point when she tried to take the kids. The other was someone much like the person about whom you write. She moved hundreds of miles away. Even when the court removed her young son from her husband’s care and placed him in foster care, she did not return. I have always wondered about that.

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    1. Those of us with social service backgrounds have learned there are some people who we will never understand. But we keep trying, don't we? There are those in the world who should never be parents, but I don't know any way to determine that before the fact. Sad.

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  3. When those innocent children are tossed upon the heap of adult failures it is impossible to accept it. These are our future and they have no ability to fix their life when it is so ugly. I would vent as well!!

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    1. If only a blood test could ferret out the non-parents before the fact. Wouldn't that be loverly? sigh.

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  4. I read this on FB when you posted it, and then I just read it again. No, this does not make sense at all. I think you don't know the whole truth here either. We can hope that, because if she just leaves them in a bad situation and moves on in life then shame on her. I guess I am giving her the benefit of the doubt when I say she isn't tell you the entire truth. That makes her seem less cold hearted. Some folks just never should have been able to be issued a "mother card" in the first place.

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    1. It is hard to say, not knowing just the one side of the story. I try not to judge because of that, but the thought of what she has done regarding her children is saddening. Possibly they are in a bad situation; they now have little contact with their mother; perhaps they are better off without her in their lives; perhaps their father is a stellar parent (Honestly, I suspect this is true, alcohol or not! He was when I knew him.). Regardless, kids need stable parents, and I'm hoping they have that with their father. But yes, your last sentence says it all.

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  5. Sounds to me as if she is in denial about something. I wouldn't want to be her friend either. You can't trust that kind of person. I expect her kids feel like that too.

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If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!